Listen, children, to a story

So I meet the girlfriends last night for wine and whine, when I'm pushed into a command performance. Seems there's a sex story in the April GQ and they're convinced that I'm "Anonymous." So I got to read this aloud to them. I'm not "Anonymous." It's still a pretty funny article. Full text is here.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE BEDROOM
Ten (and a half) reasons why Republicans—yes, Republicans—
are the best party in bed
By Anonymous

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’d think Democrats would be better in the sack, because they’re usually, well…better human beings in general. Plus, they’re so em-oh-tional and sen-sitive and they genuinely care about your day. And how you feel. And how you felt yesterday. “Is there anything you need?” they whimper. Oh, shutthefuckup! This is sex we’re talking about! After numerous years of intensive research on both sides of the aisle—and sometimes in the aisle—I am here to report that Republican men (except the closet cases) are infinitely better to have sex with. Here’s why.